This whole thing started on my girlfriend's 25th birthday. I had my gift prepared, well wrapped, and tucked underneath my arm. I drove to her place, even though her house is within walking distance, because of the excessive rain. I despise the rain at times. This time was not one of them. I drove without using my wipers so that the beads of water on the windshield could make the world seemed warped and colorful. Of course, this would have been dangerous if I was driving a long distance, but like I said, her house is pretty close.
I arrive and walk up to her front door. I get pretty wet from going from my car to her door because there is no directly way to get there. It's a series of two 90 degree turns and I can't take any shortcuts because her rose bushes are not only big but equally threatening. I ring the bell and she answers in seconds. She was expecting me. I come in and give her a kiss before drying myself off in the bathroom. When I come back, I take the room in. I take everything in. It's just a habit I have. I'm very observant. The carpet is brown, so I think this makes the room look darker than it is. I see her desk with all her messy letters and essays and her computer is on. The classic windows background is glowing brightly. You know the one with the green pasture and blue skies. Next to her simple fold up chair is a large box that I assume os full of gifts. She was quite popular in college and, unlike me, she was very good at keeping in touch with her friends.
"Hey", I say. "Happy birthday, animal". "Do you want to open some presents?"
"Sure", she says.
"But you have to open mine last." I told her promise and she grudgingly did. Why do boyfriends do this? Saving the best for last? No way, I don't have the funds to get her anything really nice so there's a huge probability that one of her friends got her something nicer than my gift. Cheers to fatal flaws.
She picks a thin package from the box that I mentioned earlier.
"Hmm, there's no name or return address. How strange", she says.
I urge her to open it. I'm suddenly curious.
She takes out a pair of simple women's panties but what gave me a shock was that her driver license was screened onto the fabric at the corner where the inner tight connects with a woman's pubic area.
I'm shocked.
"What the hell is this?", I exclaim.
"What a strange gift." she says and just tries to move onto the next gift.
"Hold on!" "Don't you think this is really weird?"
"Not really. You know what I do on my spare time."
"Yeah, but still."
"So forget about it. Okay, baby?"
I consider letting this go, but I can't. It's really bothering me.
"No! I'm going to find out who gave you this fucking present. You know me, I'll be quick."
I burst through her front door and turn on my car. I call me best friend, Eugene, and tell him to meet me at my place in five.
When I get home, he's waiting at my steps. 'Now this is a best fucking friend', I say to myself.
"Eugene, thanks for coming man. I need your help."
I give him the down low. He understands.
"Let's go.", Eugene says in a monotone voice. "You know where we need to go, right?"
"Of course." I tell him.
It's starting to rain yellow. I fucking hate it when it does this. I put my wipers to high and try to distinguish between the black sky and everything else that is being painted yellow from the rain. I'm driving slow because the yellow/black combination really confuses me. Too slow for Eugene. He tells me to switch places. I push in the clutch and put my car in neutral, as it coasts, Eugene and I switch seats. He pushes down the gas and put the car in third without using the clutch.
We're where we need to be before I know it. This is the Data Base. It has some other name, but for the life of me I can't memorize it. This was actually a big deal for me for a long time. Why can't I remember a simply name? I ask Eugene what the name of this place is and he simply responds that he doesn't give a shit. Let's just go in.
You see, Eugene hates this place. It's on top of a huge-hill like land structure and there is no lift to carry people, like ski lifts do, to where you need to go. No, you have to walk up the stairs. Eugene hates stairs. You may think that this is an easy task, but it's not. Far from it. It takes a good hour to get to the top. An hour of stairs. Can you even imagine that? I must have been talking aloud because Eugene whispers, "Fucking far. Fucking far."
We park and start out ascent. I'm ahead of Eugene for almost the entire way. His constant bitching actually helps me keep a good pace with and I eventually lose all command of time. I'm simply walking to the beat of his cursing. I'm startled when he bursts into a quasi-sprint and beats me to the top.
"Good work, man" I tell him.
"Fuck, shit, damn." He says.
"Amen."
We walk in and have the mice check us. Yes, you read correctly. This place has mice that check for drugs, weapons, and other nasty things. They wear read vest and a red thimble hat. It always reminds of times-gone-by movie ushers. Anyway, they run up your leg and search your whole body for things, then run out and report to their bosses, who are crows. Good system they got here. No pick-pocketing, no violence, and no drug sales. A tight, tight ship.
We walk through. We got nothing bad on us. We head to the directory and ask where we need to go.
[Go to theater BxB]
"Hmm, weird. I've never seen a 'BxB' command before. Have you Eugene?"
"Nope, let's ask the directory. 'Directory, define "BxB"'."
[Do you mean BxG==> Boy and Girl or GxB==> Girl and Boy]
"Ha. Neither", Eugene huffs, "must mean Bitch and a Bitch"
I agree with him. We walk to the theater and they are playing a film about animals.
It's a zoo scene. With a pool of water with seals and penguins together. A nearby tree has birds perched on it. We watch and when the command was given, we put on our special glasses. I find myself sucked into the scene. I'm there, by myself, with the creatures. No Eugene in sight.
"Eugene!" I yell. No response.
"What am I supposed to do in here?" I suddenly find myself starving. So hungry that if I don't eat something now, I'll slaughter the cute penguins by my side and eat them raw. I look down into the water and see giant tuna. I wildly attack at the fish, trying to grab them. I come up empty each time. The birds on the tree begin to laugh. One swoops down and easily catches a very large fish. Swallows it whole and stares right at me.
"Fuck!!"
"You're not here to catch fish, mister. Don't forget that." says the bird.
The damn bird is right. I decide to see how much she knows.
"Do you know who BxB is?"
"Of course. It's right outside."
"It?"
"Yes, it."
"Get me the hell out of here", I demand.
"Only if you do me a favor."
"Anything.", I say.
"See that penguin next to you. He's been gloomy for the past few days because he's jealous that I can fly and he can't. Can you make him understand that his life is not all that bad?"
"Sure." I say.
I wind up and give the penguin a huge right hook. It's knocked out. Knocked the fuck out. That should teach him to be all mopey. The bird must have agreed because I suddenly found myself in the middle of the street with rain drenching me yellow. Before I could complain, I see a shadow run across the corner of my eye. I'm all instincts now. I chase the bastard. I don't yell at him while I run. I know this will only hurt my stamina. I chase him silently with the intentions to hurt him. I must be faster than him because I catch up quickly. I decide to slow down and see where he heads.
He heads into one of the few house not covered in yellow. This make it easy for me to not lose him. I wait a few seconds and burst through front door. I'm like a fucking cop in a movie. I kicked the door down with no remorse. As I look back, I must have let out quite a roar while kicking that door down.
I walk in and it's a house full of mirrors. The only thing close to it would be a circus fun house. No matter where I look or what angle I make, it's just more of me. Fat and stout, normal, or tall and lanky. It's just me. I being to yell. I'm not chasing anyone so I decide that I could waste the extra oxygen.
"You mother fuckin' pervert! Get out here! Who do you think you are that you could send something like that on my girl's birthday!"
No answer.
I can start feeling myself lose it. My anger is getting the better of me. I become a monster. The same one that wanted to eat a penguin alive. I start smashing mirrors everywhere. The shards of glass are cutting into my flesh but this just fuels me. Fuels me to keep going. I keep my eyes closed so that I don't go blind.
I keep swinging my fist but I feel no contact. After a few minutes of this, I open my eyes. There are shards of glass everywhere. On the floor, on the wall, everywhere my eyes can see there are pieces of broken glass. I take a deep breath and look into the broken pieces of myself. I see my face over there. My arm over there. My foot there. I'm just as broken as the glass. For every action there's an reaction. It's a fucking law of science. I laugh. "Newton, go fuck yourself."
I take one more look around. "I've lost it.", I say. I consider taking a piece of broken glass and gently cutting my right wrist in half. I pick up the piece of glass, look into it, and find myself suddenly regaining consciousness.
Time to wake up. Time to go to work. I slowly get out of bed.
